Claire de Lune by Paul Verlaine
Your soul is as a moonlit landscape fair,
Peopled with maskers delicate and dim,
That play on lutes and dance and have an air
Of being sad in their fantastic trim.
The while they celebrate in minor strain
Triumphant love, effective enterprise,
They have an air of knowing all is vain,—
And through the quiet moonlight their songs rise,
The melancholy moonlight, sweet and lone,
That makes to dream the birds upon the tree,
And in their polished basins of white stone
The fountains tall to sob with ecstasy.
In my own skin
Night Sky
My head hurts.
I wish I could cry.
Or Sleep.
Maybe I will lay outside
and stare at the night sky.
Feel the glory of the stars
above.
Feel the insignificance of
my woes.
I wonder if my Dad stared
into the sky…
At the same moment I did.
Could he feel my presence?
~I didn’t hear you leave~
Bipolarmuse ♥ To memorize them…
Not one can see…
And in these moments….
Numbness, my friend
How much more time must I suffer?
Numbness, my friend, seek me.
One breath, two, many many more…
Eyes closing…mmmmmmm….seeking relief.
Practicing numbness. Can you free me?
Dreams are plenty. Deep. Meaningless.
Punctual.
Minutes… moments. Tick tock. Passing.
Trees of color~ clouds of wonder~
Deeper…darker…comfortable…wonderful
Dreams.
Take me. World of escape.
Night visions. “Visions” or fright alive.
Make believe world. Joy. Fear. Smiles.
Calm. Ecstasy. Darkness…
Peace.
Numbness, my friend, Seek me.
Dream.
Nite Nite
© bipolarmuse 2010
Burn to Shine
Foaming at the mouth.
I can get there… I am just fantastic at not showing the foam.
I internalize everything.
Stress, sadness, angst all violate my body. VIOLATE.
All these thoughts that crowd my mind… these thoughts that I use to punish myself… they are capable of making me crumble.
It’s the epic battle that rages in my mind daily.
~When you have awoken
From all your dreams broken
Come and dance with me~
Ahhhhhh the words of Ben Harper.
Amazing
I burn to Shine~
DON’T
Bruised
Bruised….swollen… Tired. I lay next to him, heartbroken and fearful, trying to desperately figure out what happened.
In instinct… I knew. But how could someone be so cruel.
I slept on the floor. I held my baby as she cried. Was she crying for her brother? I cried so hard my bones hurt… My head felt as though it could explode… My body shook violently.
I took my son to urgent care. Blood work was ran. Just slightly anemic.I asked if it could be abuse….
Following morning we went to a followup appointment…. Had me scared to death he may have cancer. Oh my God, please not cancer. But the alternative was a horrid thought as well.
My son and I cuddled and held hands and talked. He said he didn’t feel good but the doctors would make him better. I became even more worried.
On to the cancer doc we went.
They found nothing wrong. Thank god it wasn’t cancer, yet now my heart broke in a different way.
On our walk over to the emergency room, holding hands… I knew. Someone was abusing my beautiful amazing son. And I knew that CPS would step in and take him. I hoped and prayed not.
Then the unimaginable happened… They removed him from my care, along with all my other children.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to step into traffic.
I wanted to jump out of the moving car.
I wanted my heart to just stop mid beat.
In pain from crying already… The pain intensified. Became brutal.
My head became clouded. I couldn’t think. Time disappeared and became painfully slow.
Functioning felt impossible.
Eating caused me to become sick.
Drinking water made me sick.
I found blood in my urine.
I prayed for death every second.
Every fucking second… With every breath, I pleaded for death.
maddy is that you
Madness reigns again.
Fingertips across my scalp razor-blade sharp.
I seek sleep yet it eludes me once more.
Such intensity this world I dwell….
Have you ever touched and truly FELT?
My hands shake
My bones rattle
My eyes can’t rest
Electricity flows from my fingertips to my toes… racing up and down my spine.
I FEEL it. I know it’s there, this energy, because I feel it at my core… on the surface. Racing. Chasing. Tracing.
Eliciting horripilation.
Why do I dare be so bold and share my world?
I have nothing to fear anymore.
When everything is stripped from you and leaves you bare and broken, what more can be lost?
Perhaps this is my Karma?
This is my life through poetry, quotes, and my journal. The intense ride of my ups and downs of life ...and the relentless mood disorders I suffer from.
