29 comments on “Hyper-sexuality and Bipolar Disorder

  1. Been there, done that. Thankfully I’m in such a loving marriage, I don’t need to stray. Plus it doesn’t hurt that M is great in bed!! :)
    But I was married before, and that quite didn’t work out, party because the sex was not really good. I craved more, therefore I strayed.
    Anyway, love the honesty of your post!

  2. Muse:
    I know exactly how this goes. Been there, done that and go into some minor trouble in the past when I was previously single. Now it’s somewhat of an issue again but I’m pretty good at rechanneling that energy into my guitar and art…

    • Re-channeling is a great idea. I haven’t had a problem personally in a while, but I am well aware of my past issues with it… I am glad to see I am not alone. It can become quite the battle.

  3. Its a part of BPD too. I particularly connected with your description of the highs… In my lows I was battling with an eating disorder. I think it was the highs that still make me believe it was the best year of my life. Naturally, I have many more years to go, and I have no doubts I will, one day, reach that level of happiness in a safe, and stable way.

    • The highs sometimes have made me think “that was the greatest time of my life” but because my lows include severe depression and suicidal ideation… the thoughts become a buzz kill fast.
      I hope you get to that state of happiness in a safe stable way too… and I am hoping for it myself. One day at a time. :)

  4. I’ve heard about this, but never known anyone with BPD so I’ve never really been able to discuss it with someone that experiences it. All I really “know” is the stuff you see on tv shows and that is usually a stereotype image so I tend to discount it.

    Thanks for sharing-

    • Allot of stuff on TV can really piss me off because sometimes that is the ONLY info people are getting on the subject and they will be way off.
      Hypersexuality is very real… it can be very fun too but in a relationship with someone who admits to having had problems with this can be difficult. Monogamy is difficult, not because you don’t love the one you are with but because you seek that thrill to such huge degrees. Stability can make a huge difference too…

      • I’m sure it can be a blessing and a curse. We all have emotional/sexual baggage and when you through the hypersexuality into that mix, I’m sure it further complicates and already complicated situation. At least the lovers in your life go into a relationship with you understanding it may happen. Can’t say they haven’t been “warned.” :-P

  5. Thanks for sharing this, muse. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m bipolar or not and posts like this really enlighten me on how you feel. I would go see the doctor, but I honestly don’t want to put any more stress on my family so I’ll wait till I’m an adult.
    Sounds like a hell of a lot to deal with – I’m happy that you’ve found such a positive way to deal with the disorder.
    Have a brilliant Easter, muse. (:

    • Thanks ‘Nessa! Hope your Easter went well. The Hypersexuality can come in phases… like when you are over joyed and excited, then drop back down when you are feeling “blah”. I will try to touch on more info for you to see if you relate to it.
      I do want to say… I know you don’t want to cause stress for your family but if you EVER feel like a danger to yourself, please seek help and don’t wait. :( That would be tragic my friend. ♥

  6. I can fully relate, although mine is from a BPD perspective (well as that is my diagnosis but the more I experience and read I am being to wonder if a dual diagnosis may be in order!?). I seem to be in a constant state of arousal, hyper-sexual, craving sex and getting it where I can when I can. It’s impulsive, reckless but at the same time great fun. Maybe the distinguishing thing between my experience and that of bipolar is that even when I am in my lower depressive phases I still crave this high, thrill, rush of sex? It’s not just having sex, it’s experimenting and doing new things, I love porn and like to try out what I have seen with people – I joke about being the ‘porn star experience’ for new partners who may not have had such a willing partner before, because there is very little I would/have refused to do! I have cheated on both my first husband and my fiancé due to this and it was a huge art of why I finally split up with my fiancé, he didn’t want sex enough and I was getting it elsewhere as a result. Of course now I’m single it is not so easy to come by – strange that! lol Maybe this will teach me to be grateful for what I have!? and calm down a bit sexually… or maybe not

    • Very interesting. I can be very sexual when depressed but only if it is with someone new. LOL, sounds horrible but it is pure honesty. My sexuality is very heightened with new partners, of course, or with certain people you just have insane chemistry with… otherwise, in my lows, I want nothing to do with it. I am still trying to figure out where my BD ends and BPD begins but they seem to be very intertwined.

      • Yes, that’s it exactly! the chemistry thing is the worst for me, there’s this one guy that has been an issue for a year now, the chemistry between us is electric but we can barely speak to each other ‘normally’ and the splitting is lethal! After an incident last week I really think he has BPD too, which might explain our compatibility/incompatibility!

      • I tend to have the best attractions to other unstable people like myself… LOL. Not sure if that is a toxic combination or not.
        I completely understand what you mean…

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  8. I have alot to say on this but I will make it quick: abandonment, creativity, history of unstable family, rape, incest or physical or emotional stress, sexuality, impulsiveness, image problems ect can come from a list of sooooo many conditions. I think the reason it in women gets tied with bi-polar is the high-I think- rate of abuse and our upbringing-this can include men.. Bascially, PTSD turned inward. If borderline exists-a rarity-all behaviors are extreme degree of a high degree of abandment at a young age-which is usually manifestested in MPD. In my experience most bi-polars do have these sysptoms but find coping skills and do not project constant neededness and narrissism. the keyn is a sense of self. you can be a cameleon and still know who you are. They can function in relationships and our bright and insightful. If there are periods of emptyness-I think some people just see that we are alone.


    • The coping skills are the key for me. Unfortunately, I don’t tend to do well in relationships but when I am single I feel frighteningly alone. I think as I grow and learn… I have come to know myself better and can function as that chameleon yet not lose my identity. That is something I have been working on. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I love to hear what you have to say. ♥

      • I wish, I had the time to go into more detail. I talked to my husband ( lets say you can’t tell if he medicated) however we really were talking about the chameleon thing and how it is positive and negative but can become a real strength. Really, we are both sensitive and walk to our own beat(althought they both have an arythmia’s)and how we have and do deal with critism –so much is building that confidence that you are worth your own rights to feel and be who you are. It does create a thicker skin-but time and practice. I liked being single because it was easier than being vunerable and close. Love is painful if you have not really had it growing up. getting married was one of the most daring things I have ever done. It’s been three years and I’m still adjusting. Thanks again for your honesty.

  9. I just found out my husband of 15 years has been on single websites looking for girls to chat with. Which led to him meeting one and having sex with her just after 3 days of chatting. He had exchange nude photos with several girls, which was very unusual for my husband to do. Its not like he has a six pack or anything, hes not over weight or to thin, just average. This had been going on for 4 months. After he had sex he cut everything off & quit. I found out 2 weeks later from his email. Last year he went to the doctor because he couldn’t understand why is was irritable all the time, getting mad for know reason. He has always been that way. He has done the singles website before but never went this far. He can never explain why he does it except that he likes the attention, cant wait to get a message from someone. The doctor said he has BP symptoms but he needed to go to a psychiatrist for the meds. Well he never went. Figured we could handle the irritable mood swings. We never new that BP had anything to do with sexual intent. He’s brother is BP , but he just gets angry & depressed a lot.

    I’m assuming he just went thru mania, I didn’t even notice a real difference in him. He had been working a lot lately for a new project they put him on. The only other thing he did was overdraft his checking, but most of it was do to fees. He never checks his balance!!

    Now I’m devastated that he cheated…heartbroken. I’ve been searching online for over a week to figure out why he did what he did. He has an appt for the psychiatrist in 2 weeks. He said he knows what he did was wrong, but did it anyways. He says something is wrong with him and just wants it fixed. He’s embarrassed, and wants things to be like they were. That is very hard for me to do. I cant stop thinking about the stuff he did. This whole time I thought I was the wrong one for him, that we were married to young and he wanted to explore other choices. We have 3 kids, which is the main reason we lasted this long. I just don’t know what to do…

    • Hang in there for just a little while longer. What you are describing does remind me of mania/hypo-mania. Research this disorder and you may find many things that remind you of your husbands behaviors.
      This does not discredit that he is in the wrong for his actions because they are wrong. But if he does get a Bipolar diagnosis, you will be able to see perhaps why he is acting the way he is. I have ruined 2 marriages because of impulsivity and I have to live with that each day. As hard as it is, if I were in your shoes, I would hold out and see what the Doc says and if he does get a diagnosis he will be starting a medication regimen. I would highly suggest therapy as well. For him and for you as a couple because he has caused serious damage and trust issues. My heart goes out to you, I can’t imagine what it is like to be going through the things you are.
      If after medication and therapy he continues these behaviors and violates your marriage, you will have to make the decision if you want to remain in such a marriage. You can only do so much and sometimes it can be hard to differentiate true character attributes from the disorder. When I am stable (medicine and therapy), and not having manic or hypo manic symptoms, the hyper-sexuality isn’t there. So hopefully this will be the case with your husband. Please feel free to contact me… and research. There is a good workbook I bought from Barnes and Noble called “Overcoming Bipolar Disorder”… you can probably find it at Amazon much cheaper… but it is an actual workbook that has modules you fill out. Maybe it is something you can do together. Best of luck to you. I hope that your marriage can be salvaged. ♥

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  12. My friend has BPD and she constantly wants the attention from boys, so she dresses herself like a whore and talks to any dude she can get. She has had SEVERAL sexual partners and she’s only a teenager. She will drop her entire life for 1 boy. She could have everything going for her but as soon as a boy wants her to come over… she drops it all. It makes it hard for me as a friend to stay close to her. I know ALL her problems and I’ve been there for her manic moments. I just want to know why does this happen Muse?

    • That is such a difficult question to answer. It can certainly be related to manic moments of her disorder if she is Bipolar. However, it can also be a reaction to insecurities. :( Try to be the best friend that you can possibly be but also take care of yourself and make sure the friendship is not toxic for you as a person. Have you tried speaking to her about her actions with boys/men?

  13. I have had an on-off relationship with someone diagnosed with BP for 5 years now. Several times his hyper-sexuality symptom has caused me weeks of depression and hurt. In the most recent event he “hooked-up” with one of my closest friends, a friend in whom I had confided all the previous episodes. I got a call from him 3 days after they had not spent one moment apart when he told me he has found his wife and then told me who. Devastated I cut off ties with both of them – the betrayal was double and on her part with an awareness and responsibility towards me that in my reckoning he did not bear. Two and a half weeks have now passed and I received an email from him asking to talk as he was almost hospitalised. It had occurred to me that he was manic again, he got into debt, lost his driving license and I consideredthis was a cry from help his knowingly hurting me to whom he had shown so much support, love and compassion in the past. He has been the most supportive friend (when not also a lover) over these five years possible. I was wondering, do you think there was anything that I could have done to “bring him down to earth” again? He was completely convinced of this match made in heaven and I have no doubt there was no malice involved on his behalf. On her behalf there was nothing but opportunism and disrespect for our years of friendship and for me and I will never be able to see her as anything but a slut. Could I have been a grounding force or does someone who is BP need to crash all by themselves? Until today he has refused medication as a solution.

    • That sounds like a very horrible situation. Without meds, mania can encourage you to do things, say things, and hurt others with no regard to others feelings. All you can do is support this person and wait for him to take the steps needed to get better. You are, sadly, a casualty to his behaviors. If you find the relationship too toxic… don’t tolerate it and take a step back. That may be difficult to do but it may need to be done. Sometimes we do need to crash and vurn to realize all the pain we inflict on ourselves and on those we love.
      I thought that medication was not a solution until I found my world spiraling out of control and seeing the aftermath of my poor choices. I indeed hurt others, but I hurt myself the most. :(

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