Meet B
Meet B. As you can tell, this photo is not in the best quality at all. Sadly… I barely have any pictures of him left. 3 to be exact and the other 2 are with his son, so though they are better pictures, out of respect to others, I felt a pic of B by himself is the best option.
It is funny… in this picture he clearly smokes, but after he and I started dating, he never smoked…at least not to my knowledge. LOL.
This day, May 29th, is the 10 year anniversary of his suicide. He died sometime at night (details are now fuzzy), but the 30th is the day I found out and the 30th marks the day my world drastically changed for me mentally.
I hope he has found the peace he was always searching for. I hope his pain is gone and that his mind, heart, and soul is healed.
♥
Related articles:
This is my life through poetry, quotes, and my journal. The intense ride of my ups and downs of life ...and the relentless mood disorders I suffer from.
Hugs x
May 29, 2012 at 7:22 AM
Thank you.
May 30, 2012 at 7:40 AM
Thanks for sharing !
May 29, 2012 at 7:24 AM
Thanks for reading…
May 30, 2012 at 7:40 AM
HUGGS MUSE …..
TODAY AND EVERY DAY XOXOXOXO
C
May 29, 2012 at 7:29 AM
Thank you Cat! Hugs to you too my friend. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 7:47 AM
May 29, 2012 at 8:07 AM
I’m so sorry. D
May 29, 2012 at 7:37 AM
Thank you… it has gotten easier with time though I doubt the memories and heartache will ever fully go away. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 7:48 AM
I’m so sorry BipolarMuse. You know I know exactly how you feel. He is at peace – I’m sure of it. All my love and strength to you on this day. xoxoxo ~J
May 29, 2012 at 7:37 AM
Thank you J9… I know you know exactly what this feels like. I know he is not fighting the pain anymore.
He better watch out though because when I die, he is the first person I am going to look for… LOL.
Hugs to you my friend! ♥♥♥♥
May 29, 2012 at 7:50 AM
I can see such spirit, but the photo was, for me-instantly painful in my heart to see. I felt the loss as well as his love reaching to you, not out of pain, that is true…but from love and a waiting that would last forever, for you. Love, Linda
May 29, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Thank you Linda. I remember taking this picture and on this night he was so full of life and “happy” by all accounts. I think that is why this picture has been with me all these years… it isn’t tainted by an “off colored” mood… it was a genuine “in the moment” happiness. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 4:23 PM
Sending loads of love Muse!
May 29, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Thank you so much ♥
May 29, 2012 at 4:20 PM
You are doing his memory a great service! sorry for your loss. Best wishes, Chris.
May 29, 2012 at 10:40 AM
Thank you Chris. Today is both happy and sad. He is pain free… but I miss him being alive to keep trying. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 10:49 AM
words like these make him live on
May 29, 2012 at 11:02 AM
Indeed… he will forever be alive in many of us. I am one of many who loved him. ♥ We keep him alive in the little ways we can.
May 29, 2012 at 11:05 AM
little or big it still have a wide spreading echo! cheers!
May 29, 2012 at 11:10 AM
hi muse, you’ve got a great circle of friends here on the press, and you are doing all the right things to keep your spirit in good shape. extending my support your way.
May 29, 2012 at 1:41 PM
Thank you Don. I sure have met some amazing people here…
I am grateful for all the loving support. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Sending you love and hope…
May 29, 2012 at 2:16 PM
Thank you very much. ♥
May 29, 2012 at 3:40 PM
Uou continue to walk the line. Way to go!
May 29, 2012 at 3:32 PM
I know youve been told and you’ve told yourself but when are you going to believe its not your fault…..
May 29, 2012 at 5:27 PM
I don’t believe it is my fault anymore… I think underlying guilt will probably always be there…. but the rawness of it is gone. You know how bad it ate my alive… it no longer holds me captive like that. Now I just wish he were alive. So much for wishing. LOL. I love you. ♥
May 30, 2012 at 6:51 AM
I’ll be thinking of you these next couple days.. xxox
May 29, 2012 at 7:49 PM
Thank you. ♥
May 30, 2012 at 6:52 AM
Didn’t realize it did post yesterday oooops lol
May 30, 2012 at 4:04 PM
That’s ok… LOL. I got it yesterday and posted it. I guess when you don’t have a WP blog it makes all comments get approved before going through. But yes, I approved it yesterday.
I love you so much. ♥ And there was nothing that I nor anyone else could have done. You are right. I’ve been in therapy for this, let time pass…10 flippin years is a long time…. I guess it is just something that will always be there in the background. I have healed a lot… over time, I will heal more. xoxo ♥
May 31, 2012 at 7:25 AM
Odd… when I look at his picture he seems to be looking off to the side as if he’s seeing another person there. He seems happy in this picture, a bit anxious… He has a lot on his mind.
And clearly he did. I’m sorry for your loss. Ten years ago your world was a blur. But even though the memories are there, you know he would not want you to never smile again. >HUGS<
May 31, 2012 at 6:57 PM
Thank you Eden… he indeed was an anxious person. There was someone else on the patio with us but not in the direction he was looking… odd. And you are right, he indeed would want me happy.
I have gotten over his death for the most part, but I think fragments always remain with you. My sister still thinks I hold myself responsible… and I don’t think that I do. The guilt doesn’t feel prominent like it once did…. but I guess it is sort of always underlying… if that makes any sense. ♥
June 1, 2012 at 8:01 AM
It does make sense. There will always be “What if”s, and really, except that they do have a tendency to show up at awkward times, they’re perfectly natural and a probably a “good sign”.
As for the other person on the deck, maybe as you snapped that shot they were talking about something they both were seeing. Either way, it definitely gave a strong sense of the person B was.
June 1, 2012 at 6:13 PM
I hope the same along with you my friend…..may he rest forever in the most happiest of peace…. <3
June 5, 2012 at 8:07 AM
♥
June 5, 2012 at 9:22 AM
He is exactly as I pictured him while reading your stories, Exactly, no exaggeration! It’s good to honor these signature days in memory…
June 6, 2012 at 11:53 AM