Meet B

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But life looks different through everyone’s eyes.” ~ Unknown

Meet B. As you can tell, this photo is not in the best quality at all. Sadly… I barely have any pictures of him left. 3 to be exact and the other 2 are with his son, so though they are better pictures, out of respect to others, I felt a pic of B by himself is the best option.

It is funny… in this picture he clearly smokes, but after he and I started dating, he never smoked…at least not to my knowledge. LOL.

This day, May 29th, is the 10 year anniversary of his suicide. He died sometime at night (details are now fuzzy), but the 30th is the day I found out and the 30th marks the day my world drastically changed for me mentally.

I hope he has found the peace he was always searching for. I hope his pain is gone and that his mind, heart, and soul is healed.

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37 thoughts on “Meet B”

    1. Thank you J9… I know you know exactly what this feels like. I know he is not fighting the pain anymore. :) He better watch out though because when I die, he is the first person I am going to look for… LOL.
      Hugs to you my friend! ♥♥♥♥


  1. I can see such spirit, but the photo was, for me-instantly painful in my heart to see. I felt the loss as well as his love reaching to you, not out of pain, that is true…but from love and a waiting that would last forever, for you. Love, Linda


    1. Thank you Linda. I remember taking this picture and on this night he was so full of life and “happy” by all accounts. I think that is why this picture has been with me all these years… it isn’t tainted by an “off colored” mood… it was a genuine “in the moment” happiness. ♥


  2. hi muse, you’ve got a great circle of friends here on the press, and you are doing all the right things to keep your spirit in good shape. extending my support your way.


    1. I don’t believe it is my fault anymore… I think underlying guilt will probably always be there…. but the rawness of it is gone. You know how bad it ate my alive… it no longer holds me captive like that. Now I just wish he were alive. So much for wishing. LOL. I love you. ♥


    1. That’s ok… LOL. I got it yesterday and posted it. I guess when you don’t have a WP blog it makes all comments get approved before going through. But yes, I approved it yesterday. ;) I love you so much. ♥ And there was nothing that I nor anyone else could have done. You are right. I’ve been in therapy for this, let time pass…10 flippin years is a long time…. I guess it is just something that will always be there in the background. I have healed a lot… over time, I will heal more. xoxo ♥


  3. Odd… when I look at his picture he seems to be looking off to the side as if he’s seeing another person there. He seems happy in this picture, a bit anxious… He has a lot on his mind.

    And clearly he did. I’m sorry for your loss. Ten years ago your world was a blur. But even though the memories are there, you know he would not want you to never smile again. >HUGS<


    1. Thank you Eden… he indeed was an anxious person. There was someone else on the patio with us but not in the direction he was looking… odd. And you are right, he indeed would want me happy. :) I have gotten over his death for the most part, but I think fragments always remain with you. My sister still thinks I hold myself responsible… and I don’t think that I do. The guilt doesn’t feel prominent like it once did…. but I guess it is sort of always underlying… if that makes any sense. ♥


      1. It does make sense. There will always be “What if”s, and really, except that they do have a tendency to show up at awkward times, they’re perfectly natural and a probably a “good sign”.

        As for the other person on the deck, maybe as you snapped that shot they were talking about something they both were seeing. Either way, it definitely gave a strong sense of the person B was.


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