If I Release You…Let You Go…
If I close my eyes for just a moment
Perhaps I will not see what your eyes speak,
That which your tongue simply will not release.
If I turn my back hastily to you,
Maybe it will block your anger, your blame?
Kindly soften the burden of this pain.
If I beg and swim in a million tears,
Would I feel your arms surrounding me…
Will you take back “you made me lose faith in humanity.”
If I release you… let you go…
Perchance I can alleviate all that hurts.
Pick up my pieces, walk away, and learn.
If I was perfect, without mistakes…
I would have been exactly what you need,
Instead, imperfection got the best of me.
If I could make you love me…
Certainly I would take that chance.
But I don’t see love in your eyes, so I wander in the past.
© bipolarmuse 2012
** This poem is inspired by my Ex-husband. I left him in a most painful way, and the choice I made brought danger to my son… he was physically abused by a horrible man. I can’t help that I hurt…though I work on it daily. Had I stayed and leaned on my husband instead of fleeing, my son would have never been hurt. Many days I have begged for him back, but my indiscretions were to much for him. I believe he also holds me partially responsible for my sons abuse though he has never said so. He doesn’t need to say it, I see it. One day when I was asking him if we could try again and start over new, he literally said, “you made me lose faith in humanity.” Those words have been the most hurtful words I have ever heard and they torment me to this day. I am healing though. Everything heals in due time. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 2 years has been long enough… it is time to let go. **
This is my life through poetry, quotes, and my journal. The intense ride of my ups and downs of life ...and the relentless mood disorders I suffer from.
BRILLIANT MUSE………………..
C
“Pick up my pieces, walk away, and learn.”
YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF THOSE HUMANS THAT LEARNS FAST ………..
June 14, 2012 at 8:40 AM
Thank you Cat! I can say it has not been very easy, Parts of me still hold on to what I lost… but one day I will truly let go… I am working on it.
XOXO
June 14, 2012 at 8:47 AM
DO YOU KNOW PINK – SHE IS JUST ON MY SITE – IN THE LAST COMMENTS – FROM WHAT I WROTE YESTERDAY- SHE IS KINDA WRITING SAME VIBE STUFF AS YOU …….
LOVE YOU MUSE ….
YOU LET GO EVERYTIME YOU WRITE IT OUT – CUZ IT POURS OUT OF YOUR HEART XOXOXO
June 14, 2012 at 8:49 AM
I will have to look at Pink… I don’t think that I have come across that blog. I will check it out now… xo
June 14, 2012 at 9:42 AM
PINK NINJABI ……:)
XO
SHE IS REALLY A SUPERHERO LADY
JUST LIKE YOU
June 14, 2012 at 9:49 AM
It IS time to let go, Riss.
June 14, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Certainly it is… it’s a battle but I am putting one foot in front of the other. I may look back at times but I know that one day I won’t. ♥
June 14, 2012 at 9:43 AM
Wonderfully written about such a sad subject. “You made me lose faith in humanity”… I can’t imagine how those words must have felt. I’m sorry.
June 14, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Thank you. It was very hard to hear and it really surprised me to hear it come from his own mouth. I did him very wrong… but a statement like that is worse than simply hating. We get along good enough but it is superficial…
June 14, 2012 at 11:31 AM
I’ve never heard words quite as cruel as that, but I have been told just how awful I am, and it’s never easy to hear. I understand the superficial aspect; my ex and I ended up the same.
Anyway, on a less sad subject (hugs, by the way), I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award – http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/one-lovely-blog-award-and-some-big-confessions/. Do with it what you will!
And in my opinion, he should never said that to you. No matter how much you did him wrong. Some things you just don’t say to another person.
June 15, 2012 at 3:42 AM
Thank you for the award!! You put a smile on my face.
I agree… some things should never be said and I bite my tongue often because I follow the golden rule…
I learned from my mistakes though and am moving forward… thankfully. ♥
Thank you for the hugs!
June 15, 2012 at 7:33 AM
Muse, this is heart-rending, and it brought tears to my eyes … I am so sorry … (((big hugs))) ~ Love, Julie xox
June 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Thank you Julie. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I wrote it either. Cleansing tears. ♥
June 14, 2012 at 2:37 PM
“you made me lose faith in humanity.”
I am sure you have enough experience with counselling/therapy by now to have come across the notion of “taking responsibility for your own feelings”. No one can “make” another person take on a particular attitude. It is he who has taken the decision to lose faith. With a moment’s reflection you well remember that actually you already know this. You at least are taking responsibility for yourself and doing whatever you can to repair the past while living clean in the unrolling present. No blame! Rather respect and encouragement be your due,
June 15, 2012 at 2:15 AM
Thank you Ben for reminding me of this. You are very right. Emotional intelligence is so important yet hard to remember at times. I know I am not responsible for his loss in faith… I think I was just tremendously hurt by the phrase itself. It felt manipulative and uncalled for.
Thank you for always being the sound of reason… it helps very much to keep me grounded. ♥
June 15, 2012 at 7:23 AM
People’s words can be so hurtful. The closer you are to them, the more hurtful it is. “Manipulative”. That sounds about right. “Always the sound of reason”. I wish!
June 15, 2012 at 8:03 AM
Reblogged this on onlinefunland and commented:
Wow – Amazing Again !
June 16, 2012 at 5:36 AM