Old Journal Entry ~ I break ~
I came across one of my journals that I wrote in before I realized my youngest son was being abused. Let me give you a little back story to this journal entry that I am going to put in this post. ~ At the time I wrote this, I knew that something was wrong with my son. I didn’t know he was being abused and I thought that the change in him was because he missed his Dad. My son just seemed so sad. As I write this I feel sick to my stomach. I thought that maybe he was depressed and really struggling with the change… I was so worried I made a Psychiatric appointment for him. I was regretting my decision to leave his father… on many counts… but especially because I thought my son was in mental anguish over it.
Here is the entry… it is very hard to write out. My son was 4. It hurts me to the core that I didn’t realize he was being abused.
~ E hurts me to the core. He is so sad. His face screams it. Just the thought of the sorrow in his eyes makes me cry from my inner being…hurts me like my tears could be blood. We have been here for three months… how long will it take for him to be happy again? We went to the park today and he played all of 2 minutes then sat down and said that he didn’t feel good and didn’t want to play. He started crying and said “I’m sad”. Oh my God my heart hurts. I want to go lay with him and hold him..and cry until he acts like a normal little boy. What have I done to him? What kind of affect will this have on him in the long run. I break. ~