24 comments on “Old Journal Entry ~ I break ~

  1. So very heartbreaking. It must have been so hard to reread this.
    But I am so glad you recognised something was wrong, even if you weren’t yet aware of the full horror. This must have been one of the worst experiences a mother could endure, seeing her precious child in such pain.
    But you didn’t disregard it, you were there for your son. What a wonderful gift you gave him.
    Take care of yourself. ♡

    • Thank you for your kind words. I knew something was wrong… I guess sometimes it is hard to fathom that a grown adult has the capacity to hurt a small child so viciously. I am glad we were not there long and the truth came out sooner than later. That man could have killed my son.

      • Your last sentence is so terrible to read.
        You said in your post it hurt you that you didn’t know your son was being abused –
        But you DID know something very serious was wrong, and you DID do all you could to help him.
        You saved your son’s life.
        You are a strong and loving mother.
        Your children are very fortunate. ♡

      • Thank you for your beautiful words…sometimes it is hard to remember those things. Healing is taking place, which is important. ♥

  2. Oh, my dear…I am so sorry. Our own son, when he was four, suffered at the hands of his own child minder. My wife was devastated, because we trusted her so much. We were lucky to know soon, and remove him from that environment.

    If our own experience is any judge, you may not feel like the best mother for ‘letting’ this happen – but you are. You are THE BEST for seeing, for caring, for loving him.

    I hope your son will grow up to be strong, and that he may help you to be strong as well. Take care, both of you.

    • Thank you Satis. I am sorry to hear of your own sons abuse. It is devastating and so hard to believe that someone is capable of doing such cruel things to a child. And you hit the nail on the head… my therapy has often revolved around the fact that I beat myself up because I put him into the environment where he was being hurt. I couldn’t even say the words “I am a good Mom” for a couple years because of it. I felt like I had let him down…that somehow it was my fault. Thank you for your kind words… they really touched me. ♥

  3. Very heart felt… I’m sure your son will understand your feelings, and will be happy for the sweetest present in his life – His Mom!
    *HuGs*

  4. I’m sorry… Through all my lives and experiences I think I’ve had children very few times. Maybe two, three times that I can remember offhand. I don’t think they’ve ever been abused, but if they had been I would have crushed the perpetrator like an insect. I don’t care who it is. No one is going to hurt my babies. That’s the long and short of it.

    It’s terrible to have something like that happen. I’m glad that you’re healing, but it still makes me sick to my stomach at the thought of someone ever hurting another like that. And it also makes me horribly furious. i can deal with a lot of things and understand a lot of pain, but senseless, mindless abuse is not something I really want to understand. It’s probably a fatal flaw for someone who claims to be capable of listening to anything and everything, but….

    No. I wouldn’t be able to accept that. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive that. Not as a mother. Even as distant as the feelings are I still remember what it was like to raise a child- and of course I can feel it through my own parents. No. If I had to deal with that… I’d level cities to find who was responsible.

    -

    On a lighter, calmer note (though not by much), thank you for sharing all the same. It’s good to let it out. I wish I could give you a big hug. It feels like it hurts a lot still. Don’t give in! You’re strong and things are much, much better now. Keep your eyes on the prize, as they say- whatever the prize(s) may be.

    <3s,
    Eris

    • You words hit home. I am not sure forgiveness will come from me towards that cruel man. I hope my son will find peace and even forgive or let go… I need him to because I am not sure I able. ♥ He is doing amazing now though and he has amazed me with his strengths. ♥

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