I adore Emily Dickinson. This poem relates to me as the mood swings of Bipolar Disorder…and perhaps for her to. It is no secret that it is believed she had some sort of mood disorder.
Depression and mania are two separate beasts to deal with…of course, most everyone would choose mania over the dreaded depression that slams you to the concrete.
As you know, I have been living here a week now. While I am ecstatic to be here, I can feel my moods starting to flip flop quite rapidly…even in a single day. I wouldn’t say I am “very” depressed, just a little melancholic… a bit irritable… slightly blue. And then there’s the mania. I do feel a bit manic… but not a-lot either. Just a touch more energy…able to stay up late and wake up early… feeling a little euphoric…but thankfully, not sexual. So I am doing a slight “swing” from one to the other. To be expected considering all things that have taken place. I am missing my family but not calling much because I don’t want them to hear the “blueness” in my voice…the blueness is not a reflection of being unhappy.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am happy to be here and seeing my kids is AMAZING. I would not even dream of going back to AZ… or anywhere else at this point. I know that this slight swing is a normal aspect of change.
But change is inevitable… and I embrace it. Now I have to get my brain on board with me. LOL ♥