Would This Count as “Daddy Issues”?
Making the choice to move and be near my kids came with some rules that I placed upon myself and I was hoping that it would come easy to make these changes. The most important thing: to refrain from seeking attention from men. I have often noticed that I use sex as a tool to not feel alone…and a tool to “get” a man to fall in love with me.
Both of these things are wrong for many reasons.
So my goal was to just live and enjoy my kids… not get wrapped up in any men at all and just live life. I questioned whether it would be hard at all, but I can honestly say that it has been a piece of cake. I do not even take a second glance at men. Literally. I feel in complete control of the sexual side of me and I feel completely neutral.
Odd??
Certainly a change from the me that I use to be.
I do have a desire to connect with friends… but I have no desire to take it to the next level. I feel relieved to feel so at ease.
I feel that… for once in my life… I am completely capable of just being with me. This is a huge breakthrough for me mentally.
I just may be learning to love me.
♥
This is my life through poetry, quotes, and my journal. The intense ride of my ups and downs of life ...and the relentless mood disorders I suffer from.
I’m happy for you, Musey. Really, really happy for you.
This overwhelming confidence is nice to see in your posts. <3
August 4, 2012 at 3:47 PM
Thank you ‘Nessa. Sometimes I wait for “mania” to poke its head out because overconfidence is often hid in manic phases but I do feel it is genuine. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I am glad I took it. ♥
August 4, 2012 at 6:56 PM
CONGRATS.
Always good to be thoughtful about priorities and to do some of the old things in new ways if you know what I mean. Sure you’re doing well loving on yourself, but you also have a better opportunity of meeting someone really nice and really “level” and making it happen in a more satisfying way That’s my take anyway .
What does Daddy have to do with it?
August 4, 2012 at 4:59 PM
I think you are spot on with the way you view it. I am not pining for a man to come along, and that is reflected in my behavior and attitude. It will be more satisfying when I do meet someone who compliments me well.
LOL, You know how they often say that women who behave in certain ways have daddy issues… when I was thinking of a title for this, it just popped into my head and I had to roll with it.
August 4, 2012 at 7:00 PM
We’ve all got Daddy issues! haha
August 5, 2012 at 12:39 AM
It would count as resolving them! You don’t “need” to trick or seduce men for self esteem or validation or any other reason now, because you have found yourself and you are happy – because you have placed the source of your happiness back into yourself. You are in control, and you feel good. It shows. And soon enough, whether weeks or months, the men who are attracted to you won’t be the men who are attracted to vulnerability, but men who are attracted to strength.
August 4, 2012 at 5:59 PM
Ahhhhhh, such wise words Edward! You are very right and I love that I finally feel this way. I remember 2 years ago trying to pummel into my head “only you can make yourself happy”… no matter how many times I said it, I couldn’t figure it out, so to speak. Now, it just is. It wasn’t easy getting to this point by any means… but instant gratification is another lesson well learned.
August 4, 2012 at 7:03 PM
This was really nice to read. It’s so amazingly liberating when you figure out that you can live for you and not for others. It’s something I struggle with too sometimes. Here’s to you and enjoying your own company!
August 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM
Thank you Madame! It is liberating and a truly amazing feeling. I have lived for so long either “for” others or thinking I could not survive alone. I feel like this is a huge breakthrough and I am very happy about it.
Cheers to enjoying our own company!
August 4, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Yes, this is definitely about learning to love “me”. What a candid, beautiful and insightful and insightful post; something so many can learn from. Love.. Heart, Linda
August 5, 2012 at 6:09 AM
Thank you Linda. I can’t even describe how good it feels to be in this state right now… to have finally reached this point is a blessing. ♥
August 5, 2012 at 10:00 AM
it’s always important to getting to know you and loving yourself. a good number of people have used the idea that having another in their life is supposed to fill that void. but there also is great pressure from society that pushes the relationship status as making oneself whole. so a lot of times we forget about ourselves and jump into something when we are incomplete. good for you muse:) i’ve been on my own for 23 years and have learned a great deal from all of that. i suppose if i were to land in any relationship i’d be so happy that the next day i’d be resting in a coffin because the guy upstairs said, “he finally became complete to enter outer world.”
August 5, 2012 at 5:11 PM
It’s interesting…I was just talking to my doctor about tendency to seek sex when I’m sliding back down into depression. Male attention has always been a way of me avoiding myself and the fact that I don’t know how to love myself right now. Thank you for writing this. You expressing the fact that it took 2 years to get to a place where you could love yourself makes me feel hopeful. It also makes me feel less frustrated with myself for not knowing how to love myself because it’s not something that will happen overnight.
August 5, 2012 at 7:17 PM
I am so glad that you can relate to this and realize that it will not happen overnight. I have struggled with this for MANY years but since 2009, my life was virtually a mess. I was just surviving most of the time. This last year has been an eye opening year. It took time to get to this place that I am at and I admit that I too had no clue how to love myself. I use a-lot of positive affirmations and accepting what is without “judging”. We judge ourselves so harshly. When I get into that state of mind, I step back from it instantly and “accept” the feelings… then I remind myself of what I have learned and the progress I have made… and I remind myself that all the poor decisions I have made, were made with the best intentions.
You will get there… remember to tell yourself the good things about you… ♥
August 5, 2012 at 8:11 PM
Wonderful post and I’m so happy you’re learning to love “me!” That’s what counts most before loving others…you are a beautiful soul; keep shining your light! ♥
August 9, 2012 at 6:28 PM
Thank you so much (is it Lauren? I think I had read your name on another blog comment. I apologize if I am wrong).
Learning to love myself has been a HUGE step. I use to cry my eyes out in therapy asking her “how”… “how” do I forgive the wrongs I have done and love who I am. I tear up remembering back… so this, for me, has been one of the largest struggles and i am so happy that I am finally “getting” it. ♥ And hopefully in the future, because I have learned to love myself, I can have a successful, loving marriage sometime down the line.
August 10, 2012 at 8:57 AM
Hi Muse, yes, it’s Lauren and I’m sure many can relate to your struggle; I honestly don’t think you’re alone. I am thankful for my husband, kids, dog (:)) and life, but throughout the years, I find insecurities, too, maybe not to your degree, but they have been felt….so, I don’t know if I’m making sense at all, but I’ll send you virtual hugs, anyway! Have a wonderful Friday and again, I’m sincerely happy for you! ♥
August 10, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Thank you for the virtual hugs! Always needed and loved. I send them your way as well. Have a wonderful weekend!!
p.s. you made perfect sense. ♥
August 10, 2012 at 10:55 AM
Awesome!
August 10, 2012 at 8:49 PM
August 12, 2012 at 6:59 PM