“I said just let me try one more time and she said, “THAT’S ENOUGH, ISABEL,” again, and she could just say it over and over and it would never get through my thick skull because I’m always wanting and wanting because nothing is ever enough you are never enough I am never enough I am never enough I AM NEVER ENOUGH.”
― Amy Reed, Crazy
This section of the above quote stands out to me… “I’m always wanting and wanting because nothing is ever enough you are never enough I am never enough I am never enough I AM NEVER ENOUGH.”
“You are never enough, I am NEVER enough”. God, this sends bells ringing in my head because it really hits home. Bipolar disorder, when untreated, or not treated well, can certainly turn your life upside down and bring about a confusion that is so very hard to explain.
This hits home for me. Though at this moment I am feeling “content”, I remember very well the constant “want”, the feeling that the “want” could never be filled… that what I had was never enough…and then the ultimate self destructing thought that I was never enough. I was always lacking… I was a void. My life was not worth anything… I wasn’t worth anything.
Depression can do so many ugly things to you… it removes you of your personality, it removes the life from your eyes… bones… your beating heart…each breath. It completely breaks you down until you feel there is no reason to keep going on.
I know many do not understand mental disorders… but know that mood disorders are brutal. They devastate every aspect of ones life and leave behind destruction… it destroys that which was built with the best of intentions. Mood disorders are very often deadly. 30-70% of suicides victims have suffered from some sort of depression. (Web MD) That is a staggering statistic. These deaths could be prevented.
** When you look in that mirror and feels that you are not enough… know that you are not alone. Others have felt that horrible pain. Somehow, some way, try to find a light in that darkness and reach for it with all your strength. Seek that light wholeheartedly. Ask for help. Reach out. I know that this seems impossible… I know that it may seem pointless. BUT YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTH THE FIGHT. **
Allow me to be that example that there is hope. There is a light somewhere in all that darkness… I promise that it is there. If I could get to this point that I am at, anyone can. I have hit the lowest of lows. I have lived with mood disorders as long as I can remember, and with a medical paper trail for 12 years.
Never give up. I believe in you.