Sleep Malfunction
Lovely. So I just posted the Psychosis article a couple days ago, and I have been trying to do some analyzing over why I am hearing these soft sounds play in my head, and in doing so, came to the conclusion that I have been relatively “stress free” since my move. I now laugh at that statement because I know myself all to well, and I will be the first to tell you that stress manifests itself in my body FIRST and that is how I recognize it is even there.
Stress will manifest as a sick stomach, high blood pressure, sleep loss, panic attacks, general anxiety, and I guess I can now add psychosis to that little list.
I must honestly say that I believe the move has gone well. I have seen a-lot of my big kids and have managed to schedule a visit to the babies for 11 days next month!!! (29 days to go!) I guess my biggest stress is money… but I have managed thus far.
Now I have noticed a second clue to my “stress” which is my sleep pattern. I have gone from sleeping very well…literally out like a light and sleeping about 9 hours, occasionally more (which is not odd for me)… to tossing and turning and waking up many times in the middle of the night. The sleep issue reared it’s head about Thursday night, so it has lasted nearly a week.
With Bipolar Disorder, sleep patterns and GETTING sleep is highly important. (Sleep and Mood Disorders) When your not getting enough sleep, this usually will trigger a manic episode, which of course, needs to be prevented. Even on meds, when triggered, mania is possible… as is depression. I would like to hope that since I have been taking my medications like a good girl, if mania does strike, it will not be severe and it should be short lived. This is my hope.
So my plan?? Try to get into a PDoc (I am having a tough time finding good resources for this service at a reduced cost), and tonight I plan to go through a nice pre-sleep ritual. Take a nice warm bath, drink some warm milk with a touch of sugar and cinnamon, read for a short time, take meds, turn the light out, place my eye covers over my eyes, and throw on my favorite lip gloss. As I lay there, I will focus on nothing but the moment and every time my mind wanders off to race (as it has been doing), I will reign it in and once again focus on the moment. How do I do this?? I like to imagine a soft light enveloping me, warming me… and I keep my mind focused on this light. Each time thoughts pop into my mind, or my mind wanders off, I bring it back to the soft, warm light.
Here’s to getting my sleep on track, and preventing a manic episode because what follows mania?? Depression… without fail. And THAT is the devil I don’t like to deal with the most. ♥
On second thought, I could be in the beginning stages of mania ALREADY. Agh. That is a different post altogether. Crossing my fingers that this isn’t the case, but it would certainly explain a few things.
This is my life through poetry, quotes, and my journal. The intense ride of my ups and downs of life ...and the relentless mood disorders I suffer from.
I hope you get enough sleep hun. I know for me that if I don’t get enough I feel lethargic and uninterested with most things.
Sherline
August 15, 2012 at 6:55 AM
Sherline! It is good to hear from you my friend. I have been having a hard time keeping up on my reading so forgive my lack of presence on your blog. I am trying to catch up though. LOL
Sleep is so very important. More than we know. ♥
August 15, 2012 at 7:00 AM
This is an excellent self-care blog.
August 15, 2012 at 7:18 AM
Thank you very much. I am very pleased that you like it and keep coming back. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. ♥
August 15, 2012 at 10:27 PM
I didn’t realize the importance sleep plays when one has a personality disorder (is that “right” to say?).
August 15, 2012 at 6:38 PM
Not for the personality disorders… but for the “mood” disorders. Sleep can very much affect our moods, and lack of sleep will swing you right into a mania spell if you are Bipolar 1… hypo-mania for Bipolar 2. That is why they stress “sleep hygiene” so much when it comes to any mood disorder…and if you notice, it is one of the first questions they ask you when you see the Doc… “how’s your sleep”. On the flip side… I know I am depressed when I can sleep 12+ hours without the use of my sleeping meds. It is a fine balance that must be maintained and sleep is at the heart of it. Very interesting.
August 15, 2012 at 10:37 PM
Yes, interesting, indeed. As I get older, I certainly notice how lack of sleep really affects my moods. It makes sense about the 12+ hrs sleep. I’m the same way…..feeling tired all the time is certainly my red flag that I may have a couple following days’ struggle.
August 16, 2012 at 5:50 AM
It is a form of meditation your practicing. I hope it helps and you start to sleep better. I do a relaxation from my toes up one area at a time when I am experiencing troubles going to sleep.
August 15, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Thank you for reading and commenting. I like your method as well and have practiced it too. I actually have an audio relaxation cd that walks you through the steps with soft music and so on. Before it finishes, I am usually asleep. Now the key is to be able to implement it without the use of the cd. That is something I want to practice as well.
Thank you for the reminder. ♥
August 15, 2012 at 10:42 PM
did i tell you that i’m using lavender for sleep. one can get the liquid potpourri and that basin and tea lights (tiny candles). there are always options for the sleep thing other than psych meds. from what i’m reading here, you certainly are working your plan as you need for health. i like that:)
August 16, 2012 at 3:25 AM
i like lavender. I do have some lavender essential oil that I drip onto my pillow every now and again. i love to blend it with patchouli which is odd because it is such a strong earthy scent.
August 16, 2012 at 8:33 AM
the problem i had with lavender in direct contact with me was it made my skin break out. i haven’t heard of patchouli, but will be checking on that soon. it’s a nice tip to know about.
August 16, 2012 at 1:16 PM
I suffer from Dysthymia (also known as neurotic depression), and it too is a mood disorder consisting of chronic depression. I went on for years without being diagnosed. Sleep IS the first question I’m asked by my regular doctor, my pulmonary doctor (for sleep apnea disorder), my psychiatrist, and my therapist. You’d think between the 4 of them I could sleep, but I’ve been suffering from bouts of insomnia now for nearly 7 weeks now. I’ve tried meditation, the audio relaxation and the lavender, and sometimes they do work. But then I have trouble staying asleep. It seems I take a pill for everything…to wake up, to feel “happy”, to reduce anxiety, to relieve the depression, to get to sleep, to stay asleep…I tend to think my body’s wearing so fast and I’m only middle-aged. What’s another 20 years going to look like—I hate imaging it. Anyway I do like your writing and enjoy reading your blogs even when it’s 3 a.m. my time and have yet to feel tired after working a 14 hour day.
August 17, 2012 at 1:03 AM
I am glad that you read, thank you. ♥
I understand what you mean. I take 6 different medications, and I wonder what they are doing to my body all the time. You would think that sleep would be easier to treat but getting to sleep and staying asleep are the most difficult for me as well. I have never met anyone with your mood disorder before, though I have read about it. Is it a constant flip from “normal” to depression??
I should research it and do a post about it.
August 18, 2012 at 9:34 AM
Well, I’d certainly read it! I’m always looking for other methods to reduce stress and my chronic osteoarthritis although I’ve been told that I’m too young for knee replacments…so I wait. The constant “flip” you talk about is sort of true, but lately due to lack of sleep, I’m more like flipping from moderate to severe depression some days. I can’t get out of bed; I don’t want to face the world or another day at work. It’s as if this giant piston is holding me down pressing all the air out of my lungs and the will to survive. I read someone’s blog last night/early morning that said that “there are worse things than death” and I’ve come to realize its true meaning.
Thanks for responding; I appreciate you for it!—D
August 18, 2012 at 5:43 PM
Indeed there are worse things than death. What I hated most was feeing like i was burried alive in my own skin. I have been at severe lows where I totally understand what you are describing. It is brutal and so hard to pull out of at times. Do you try to force yourself to do something you once enjoyed doing?? Or have a gratitude list? I know that both of these things do help me. <3
August 19, 2012 at 1:09 PM
A gratitude list is not something I would practice, but thank you for the suggestion. Also my sister encourages me to do the things I used to like doing, but there are physical limitations with osteoarthritis that toys with my joints. Pain can flare instantly, which makes it difficult to stay AHEAD of the pain with meds.
Every bit ties into everything else; it’s like my body has become co-dependant upon itself. It says “okay, your not going to sleep tonight because you haven’t taken care of my pain well enough” or my mind might tell itself “why do I bother when this body doesn’t listen.” I’ve already abandoned television and other noise pollution when I’m at home. I have begun to practice silence focusing on the acceptance of this is what I am…for now…understanding that this is temporary…just relaxing my mind hoping my body will follow. I better go and continue practicing!
August 19, 2012 at 1:58 PM
“silence focusing on the acceptance of this is what I am…for now…understanding that this is temporary…just relaxing my mind hoping my body will follow.”
This is excellent for all of us, mood disorders or not, to practice and heed. Thank you for this reminder.
August 19, 2012 at 7:22 PM
Thank you for reading and caring enough to reply to my comments. I have to remind myself of this every single minute of every single day. Breathe…just breathe…for now.
August 19, 2012 at 7:53 PM
You are welcome. I am always here if you just need to vent. I am a good listener. My email address is located under the “Contact Me” page if you ever want or need someone to talk to. ♥
August 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM
You’re too kind! I’m most appreciative.
August 20, 2012 at 4:08 PM
If I get less than 6 hours, the aggravation of my depression is immense. I might as well stay in a closet during the next day. Not only is my self hatred radically intensified, but paranoia sets in heavily and I am sure that everyone I encounter hates me just as much as I do. Sleep is critical for me.
August 18, 2012 at 6:40 PM
Thank you for sharing this about yourself Carl… it is very interesting to see how sleep affects each of us. It is also very critical for me… and it is something i take very seriously.
August 19, 2012 at 1:13 PM
I’m reading this a few days later. I hope that you’ve been getting enough sleep now. Suggestion could you call your previous doc for a recommendation. Also I find sugar in any form candy, cookies or teas tend to make me hyper and it keeps me restless and unable to sleep. I do that clear the mind too. It does take work but eventually I fall off to sleep. It is 4am I woke up about an hour go. Restless and started reading emails. Think I’m going to try emptying my mind.
August 19, 2012 at 1:12 AM
I get the same way and will wake up early to do blog stuff. Maybe I need to pay closer attention to my sugar itake… i can always replace it with splenda… LOL.
August 19, 2012 at 1:15 PM
August 19, 2012 at 1:52 PM