37 comments on “Sex and Orgasms

    • It really truly is. I am learning more and more about this as I get older. Mental outlook is huge when it comes to achieving an orgasm or arousal itself… I never realized the connection until I had a problem with the mind/body experience.

  1. I love you. You are seriously the best and you make my day every time I see a new post alert in my in-box. And um… let me know what you find out about that phantom orgasm stuff. Hahaha!! xoxox

    • I love you back J9!! Good to hear from you… I have missed you. Now that I am back, we need to plan a lunch/coffee/anything date!
      And I will keep you up to date on the phantom stuff… promise!
      xo ♥

  2. Thank you for posting this, my friend. It is not a dirty topic, but one of those less than acceptable ones in our minds, although I don’t believe that is actually the case. The fact is, it is the type of thing that needs to be discussed as it is important to most of us and because it is a “closeted” topic, we feel we are along in our woes.

    I don’t have quite the same problem, but something ancillary I suppose. My wife greatly dislikes intimacy of any kind, tthat means no hugging, caressing, kissing and certainly no sex. She tried back when we were younger, but it was so distastful to her I felt horribly guilty so we seldom had sex, when we did it was like “ok, you have 2 minutes, get it over with, get away from me and then don’t talk to me or touch me.” Pure romance, right? She felt bad and subsituted oral sex for it (giving, she wouldn’t let me reciprocate, she doesn’t like to be touched, remember) but that fizzled after 15 years or so of marriage. We have been pretty much totally celibate for over 10 years.

    It was really hard for me, as I am an extremely romantic, loving and sensual person. Living without sex is nowhere near as hard as living without intimacy, trust me. It took alot of work and determination, but I finally managed to kill that part of my soul, it just isn’t there anymore. I have no feelings, no heart, no soul; except for what I put into my writing.

    I begged my doctors for zoloft and anything/everything to kill me desires and sexual function, when I was finally successful and just became an empty shell, life become somewhat easier.

    • When I first read your comment, it was while waiting for a phone call, and I was reading it from my cell phone, so I had to wait to respond. This is absolutely heartbreaking. What is odd is that in some ways i can become the way your wife is and I am not even sure why. It’s not that I don’t love the person I am with, but I could certainly go without any kind of affection or intimacy from them. This is something that I am working on.
      I am so sad for you. I cannot imagine being on your end of things and the way that it must make you feel. May I ask… what made you stay in such a marriage?? Perhaps that is too personal and none of my business, and if so, I apologize for asking such a question.
      My heart goes out to you. I am glad you have an outlet in writing… to feel some of that heart and soul… and i hope someday, somehow, these are re-awakened in you. ♥

      • No, not too personal, after all I am the one that put it out there. lol I stay in the marriage because I love her. I love her strongly enough to make up for the fact that she doesn’t love me (in that way), and have come to accept that different people love in different ways. When she brings me a glass of something to drink or does something like that, she is showing me she loves me in the only way she is capable.Also, it wouldn’t be fair to leave her because she doesn’t love me, I knew she was “damaged goods” when I married her and when I was falling in love with her, but it didn’t stop me from falling and falling HARD. The biggest reason is simply that I love her too much to leave her, I couldn’t breathe without her in my life and I genuinely believe that one person can love strongly enough to make up for the lack of love in their partner.

        Be well, my friend.

  3. good post! funny you mention wellbutrin. for me it was the exact opposite until by body got used to it. i am no longer on it now. i don’t exactly want to say what it caused exactly, nevertheless any pharmaceutical can cause these kinds of things as they aren’t natural for the body.

  4. I’m so glad about nongenital orgasms, being a post op transsexual who ran out of money. Thank you, Easter Bunny! What form will your research take? Lol

  5. Hi there. Great post. I’d spent so many years mis-diagnosed, I’ve pretty much been on all of the SSRIs. I didn’t even realize I was experiencing sexual dysfunction (ldepressed libido) until I was properly diagnosed (Bipolar II) and put on different meds. WOW! What a difference.

    • Absolutely a huge difference isn’t it?? The SSRI’s did that to me as well. And for me, Lithium and Depakote did too. Now I am on Lamictal and Haldol and it seems to be my perfect combo (knock on wood), but all of my sexual energies have come back.
      Thank you for reading and commenting. :)

    • It is interesting how all of our bodies are different and we all react in different ways. The “normal” side affects for Haldol have not bothered me one bit… Thank God… lol.

      • The Prozac was getting me somewhat manic and i was more or less “rapid cycling” for about two weeks. It was scary. But now I’m a little better. I started on the Lamictal two weeks ago. Yeah, our bodies are different, yet the same. It’s strange. This meds business is part art and part (small) science. Sigh.

        Glad it hasn’t bothered you!

      • I got off Wellbutrin without telling the psych. I kept obsessing about it making my hearing loss worse. lol. And it didn’t help that I found other people online saying it made their tinnitus (ringing in ear) worse. :/ I had a mad sex drive when I first got on it though. :) ha

      • I didn’t realize that about the tinnitus… I had bad ringing in my ears once and some equilibrium problems while on it… I wonder if that played a roll??
        I did like the sex drive. LMAO… can’t be upset when something like that comes along. :)

  6. i find that i am not particularly interested in sex. orgasms can be quite enjoyable but there isn’t anything going on inside my head that draws me to wanting to have them. at least no frequently or often. whichever. recently, i discovered, from my ob-gyn, to be sure to keep your toys disinfected. now you might laugh at what i am about to say. well, i use what i call my Dr. Ruth. Remember her. Well, recently I needed to get medication from my doc for treatment for pain. Thought it was a UTI. Not. Used meds. Couldn’t figure out what the hell was the problem. Well, i told my s/o to get me what you use for babies like handiwipes to disinfect. Well, she gave me a disinfectant, but it wasn’t for babies, which i assumed it was. No, it was meant to be used to disinfect computers and tv screens and counter tops. Do i need to say anymore. i was trying to follow doctor’s instructions and while doing so i irritated the hell out of myself. now i have developed this complication of a fear to use my fav toy Dr. Ruth. So, it just pushed orgasms down to the bottom of my to do list. Now how could anyone as intelligent as I think I am be so stupid not to realize I was responsible for screwing up my body and creating a complex further into my sexual libido to shut it down even further. And anti-depressants, I’ve been there also. My psuchiatrist sent me over the hieght of the moon on them. They set off my bipolar long before i had any idea. and didn’t do a thing for my depression either. i think that’s why i am so anti-meds. So my sex drive is shot most of the time and when i feel high on the bipolar i tend to write and listen to music while i am doing that. Besides sex has never been much of a friend to me. Let’s talk-that’s code…i’ll write something on Monday to you. ok. jennifer

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