“Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it, an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide.” ~ Kay Redfield Jamison
What I despise about Manic-depression (Bipolar disorder) is the way it distorts every part of who you are. I cannot count on my hands how many times people have told me “you seem so happy” when I have a raging storm inside my head. Gratefully that storm has passed but I do not underestimate the power it holds.
It holds me hostage without any way to pay a ransom. It invades my mind, my heart, and makes me lose all logic.
I know that those of you who live with a mood disorder… you know exactly what I mean.
Depression steals every good emotion and leaves you with the bad… and you get to the point where your mind attempts to destroy you and everything you have fought for… you believe you are invisable.
And then its best friend mania kicks in, and yes, it feels like a drug… feels amazing. The need for sleep vanishes, you become more daring, become a social butterfly… the world fits in the palm of my hand… it revolves around me.
Then it stumbles, it is faulty, and the downward slide into excruciating depression is in motion.
The vicious cycle… the one I have broken… it may rear its ugly head from time to time but it no longer controls me… I am not at its mercy.
Stupid Bipolar… you almost got me… now I am winning.
♥
I can relate…
Sadly, many of us do. Thank you for reading and commenting.
i’ve got two books by her. as a physchiatrist also, and in her own memoir so to speak of her bout with this player of the mind. i found her to be quite insightful. not only that some of the things she said, i had in my head, but yet hadn’t determine if my feel was the right one. you know muse, you are winning and winning with a smile. i’m glad that we are polar players on the press here:)
I love her and can’t get enough of her intellect and personal experience. We are here to life one another up… hopefully that is accomplished in this blog land.
And now you’re winning! that’s the most important thing. I’m working on it too. I believe the scales are beginning to tip for me — not the scales from depression to mania and back, but the scales from extreme moods to moderation.
YAY!!!! I am happy to hear that. It is a wonderful place to get to… nt maintaining it will be the challenge… but you win a little more each day. ♥
I have a daughter that is bipolar it is a very hard life to live, you have my prayers
Thank you. It is very hard to live with. My life has self destructed many times. With good family support my Psychs and therapists, I have finally reaches this point.
What’s your stripper name? http://wp.me/p1CLmE-1lQ
I LOVE it…
You are awesome.
You are awesome.
Glad you liked it ♥
“it feels like a drug… feels amazing. The need for sleep vanishes, you become more daring, become a social butterfly… the world fits in the palm of my hand… it revolves around me.”
A really good way of putting it.
Feels good to be winning doesn’t it
It sure does. The sneaky mania is something I miss but depression is inevitable afterwards.
You blew me away…felt as if you were speaking to me! And yes, I read the part about— “The need for sleep vanishes… the world fits in… palm of my hand… revolves around me.” I don’t honestly know what to do with “this depression” or “this whatever it is”. I need it to stop!
The depression is emotionally draining. It strips you of every joy you have… hang in there and keep fighting. It won’t come over night, but it will come… have faith and patience.
The ‘faith’ I have comes from community and nature…not theism, but I thank you for reminding me. I’ll be the one hanging off the side of the cliff by her fingernails…
You being able to face it and not give up, and finish with “I’m winning”?
Inspirational!
Always a pleasure to see you, Muse.
Thank you Guapo! I am winnng… I refuse to allow this thing to steal the best of me. Thank you for your encouraging words…
Mood swings are crazy Buzz kill..always come when you are not prepared…
Absolutely… and they make you feel out of control.
Very well said. and I enjoyed the emoticon, I’ll need to use that sometime.
Thank you… I am glad you can relate. The emoticon fits perfectly doesn’t it??
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