“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
Langston Hughes


I can’t believe it is already May. Every day I look in the mirror and see how time is running full speed ahead and all I can do is hold on for the ride. It has been a struggle lately… a big struggle.

Happiness seems to be slipping through my fingers. Of course, I know this is not the case, but I do feel as though some sort of toxin is trickling into my bloodstream… making it ever so difficult to put a finger on “when” things started to slip from my grasp.

I know this is life… some days are better than others… and some days, it is mere survival.

It has been too long since I have seen my babies… much too long… and I know it is eating slowly away at me. Certain promises have yet to come into the picture and it is slowly chiseling away at my sanity. I know that things will come full circle, but having the patience for it is another matter all in its own.

I have to have hope that things will be made right. And that hope is vital to my well-being… I am certain many of you can relate to that. Without hope, I lose so much, most important is “sight”. Not being able to look into the future with a smile on my face… uncertainty and doubt are taking up residence. That is not acceptable…


It feels like I fight… I fight fiercely… yet it just seems to push back just as hard. At some point I begin asking myself where the life events and bipolar disorder end and begin. Are they a combination equaling out to the same end? Is one greater than the other? Do they coexist? I don’t have the answers… all I know to do is to fight. Battle on. Press forward. Never give up…

and cry just a little.

9 thoughts on “Toxicity”

  1. Hope for me comes and goes so I relate to this. Life ebbs and flows and what I think/believe when I’m depressed isn’t at all what I know to be true. You’re right, beautiful struggle.


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