All posts by bipolarmuse♥

"Sometimes it's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one pretending to be normal." Dexter Morgan

On The Move… But Have No Fear, I Am Taking You With Me.

After some thought, I have decided that in order to get the look and feel I want for my blog, I NEED to go “self-hosted”. There are some amazing templates out there, but I just need the freedom that self-hosting will provide me.

While I am excited, I am also nervous! I want this to be a positive move for my blog, and change always seems to be a bit scary… but, overall, I do feel this is a great move for me and I am excited to get the ball rolling so I can bring you the “bipolarmuse” that I envision… This is so exciting!!! Perhaps the timing is….

Perfect… For ME.

I certainly will keep you all in the loop as I make this process happen… I shouldn’t lose any of you at all… and when all is said and done… it will still be

I will still be smilin’ razorblades and pissin’ rainbows… and marking my territory with glitter… glitter-bombs &lipgloss&adidas~ that is how I roll~©bipolarmuse 2015

Computer Problems Galore

I hate to say that I am having huge computer issues, and I’m frustrated beyond belief! It may turn into a situation where I’m forced into buying a new computer.

It’s my only computer access so I need to get this situation fixed promptly!!

In the meantime, thank you for your patience… I will keep you updated. <3

Mindful Based Stress Reduction ~ 8wk ONLINE class FREE!

MBSR- Mindful Based Stress Reduction

If any of you are familiar with DBT therapy or mindful based therapy in general, you may know what 8 week program I speak of, and if not, let me (happily) introduce you.

The book Full Catastrophe Living is the 8wk program I speak of… only in print form, written by Jon Kabbat Zin.

Well, I am so stoked to write that there is now a FREE ONLINE mindful based program for all to utilize to help battle stress, and all other negative crap we deal with daily, and it is modeled after the original 8 week program!

mbsrArt<—— My cousin sent me this amazing coloring book full of fairies… I never realized how therapeutic it is to just sit here in the moment, the “now”, and color. Art therapy is seriously under-rated, and I do plan to dive into some “art” to help heal, and maintain my mental health. 



This online MBSR training course is 100% free and is modeled on the MBSR program founded by Jon Kabat-Zinn at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.–


MBSR<——– MY AWESOME MANUAL I PUT TOGETHER! (Instructions are on the website for you to build your own manual to use, and reuse. ;)

I am going to blog each weeks curriculum as I do it so anyone who is interested can follow along.

Also, any of you interested in doing this on your own and in your own time, visit From there you can create your own mindfulness manual and/or just follow along at your own pace. I am thrilled to have stumbled across this and even more thrilled to tell you all about it!! I instantly made myself a manual, and have added to it with other material I had from therapy, and others that I came across while researching online. I love it! After I complete it myself, I want to form a group, for us all to share our experiences and go through the program together as peers.

MBSR1MBSR2<—- An example of pages in the “manual” I built.



Another lil’ preview… this was one I added from my searching for other helpful mindful printouts…


We all can benefit by living in the NOW… beside, it is ALL we truly have. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come… so there’s no better place to be than in the NOW.

**More to come as I get closer to beginning this. If you have an interest in following along and doing this, please do!!!! Find the time to work on YOU. I know life seems “too busy”, but you will benefit so much by taking the time to do this! I am going to announce a start date soon… and I am going to figure out the “cost” to building my manual, that way, for those of you super limited on time, I will offer the option of purchasing a completed manual! I take NO credit for the material within, and I will not be selling them for a profit… I will simply create a manual for anyone interested in having one, I will simply ask to be reimbursed for the materials I buy to construct it. :) Please contact me if you are interested!! You can contact me HERE!


©bipolarmuse 2015

Just A Little ~ Pay It Forward


For several years, I did not turn on the TV. Nor did I watch anything online. It wasn’t anything I set out to do, I didn’t plan on it, and it wasn’t a big deal at all. Interestingly, as my life… actually what felt like my entire world, once it quickly began crumbling around me, it seemed to be just a very natural unfolding of life events. The chronological events of my life now simply distinguished from one another as “before” and “after”. And in the “after”, I no longer had a need or want for the television.

As I watch the news about missing planes, plane crashes, people in other countries exiled and searching for places to live, children washing up on to beaches, human trafficking, preteens and teens killing their “besties”, spouses killing one another, children killing their parents, people killing themselves accidentally while taking “selfies”, racial hate, growing cruelty in retaliation, law enforcement being targeted…

I can go on and on…

It literally hurts my heart… so much pain in the world, so much suffering, and it is brought on by fellow humans.

I must remind myself that yes, there is evil out there… but there is an amazing amount of good too.

Today… while I was waiting for medication…. a young lady was having a conversation with the pharmacist. She was crying, and I was trying not to eavesdrop and listen, but I could understand that she was in alot of pain, and in a horrible situation. The Doc was going to give her as many pills as she could get for the amount of money she had, plus a few more to get her by while she went back to a doctor to see about a less expensive replacement…. still crying, she thanked the pharmacist over and over for doing that for her. She sat next to me, still crying, and not a person would look at her. I looked at her and gave her a heartfelt smile that hopefully conveyed that I truly felt for her. I didn’t know her from Adam, but she was in serious distress and struggling. She acknowledged my smile and said “I look rather pathetic don’t I?”……  Before I could say a word, another lady who worked there came over and told her she needed 5$ more for a different medication. The poor woman started shaking, and crying even harder. In a soft and broken voice she said, “I don’t have it, I am pathetic aren’t I, that I don’t even have a dollar more to my name. I have nothing more… nothing to give.” She was sobbing… but even worse,  she was breaking… I know because I have been there…

As the woman continued telling her they could not give her that medication without payment… I watched everyone else in close distance and they all pretended nothing was happening at all. They completely disassociated themselves… It made me sick.

I pulled out my wallet and handed the woman some money. Was it alot?? No. But to her, in that moment, it was. It was priceless. I know, cause I have been in that situation.

The woman continued to cry, but you could tell it was for a good reason. Her forehead softened, and a slight smile appeared. As she thanked me and asked how to repay… I told her not to worry about that… and that one day, when she was able, to just pay it forward… to lend a hand to someone else who was in need… and then tell that person to do the same.

I hope that there are others who do the same… what I gave was small, but the affects were huge.

Priceless to that woman in need. I only wish I could have helped more.

I don’t know how this went from no tv to the woman who needed help… my mind was racing… Normally while I wait at places, I turn on my phone and watch something on youtube, ignoring my surroundings. I don’t want to be that person anymore…. I need to pay attention, feel a connection to fellow people… I refuse to be a part of the disconnected any longer.

…. and so there is the connection… ♥


I Just Don’t Get Some People


I am sure by now, you all have heard about the tragic deaths of the two news Anchors Alison Parker and Adam Ward. They were two reporters gunned down during a morning broadcast on live television by a disturbed man named Vester L. Flanagan who previously worked at their place of employment.

Now… what kills me… and I have seen other examples of this that I will mention… what kills me are the people out there who believe it was a hoax. Not only that, but they believe Sandy Hook was fabricated as well… right up there with 9/11… hell, I guess these same individuals probably don’t believe the Holocaust happened.

This disturbs me.

Don’t worry… I have no crazy ideas about taking away American’s rights to firearms… but come on, THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Everyone is out to take away your guns… so you post videos on youtube, or use social media to spread your “Hoax” rumors?? Or claim it is some sort of ploy the government is using to gain support for gun control. Speak to Alison’s parents… her death is VERY real. Speak to Adams fiance he was moving with… he is VERY dead as well.

Now, I do believe we must educate ourselves and never take something for face value. However, saying that their death was a hoax, alongside Sandy Hook and others, for the topic of “gun control”… that is ridiculous. Because we don’t see blood and carnage in the short recording like we do in the movies… it is all of a sudden a hoax?! WOW.

Show a little kindness for these unfortunate people who have died at the hand of a very disturbed individual… offer condolences to their loved ones who now get to live lift without their loved one, all the while listening to the BS of others who will not acknowledge their horrendous loss…

Demonstrate a little compassion…

When the only thing you have to say will be hurtful to countless others, practice silence.

Show some respect


Have a little class.


Ted Talk By Max Silverman on 1 Invisible Illness~ Mental Illness

Many illness’s are invisible… I have a few of them myself, but this one really hits home for me.

I watch people my age struggle with various diseases… some are even battling cancer. Their treatment causes their hair to fall out, many become thin and will look “ill”. Their fight to live is cheered on… friends and family do everything they can to help. They assist with making dinners, childcare, even helping monetarily with medical and living expenses… they are added to prayer lists… the support they receive is HUGE and no doubt helps them to face their illness and fight it with all their strength. It is beautiful to see communities pulling together to support those battling debilitating illness’s.

This short video opens with just that. This man’s Mother is battling cancer… the help they receive is amazing, and appreciated beyond words.

Max Silverman begins, telling of all the love and support they received… not only to his Mother, but extended to him and the rest of his family as well. Meals were delivered for four (yes, 4) months straight, when he got to school, he was welcomed with hugs and offers of help, questions “How is your Mom? Is she ok? Are YOU ok? Is there anything I can do to help?” Then they would offer their shoulder to cry on. He mentioned to his Mom how amazing it was, and how they should be proud that they had such a caring support system of friends and family…

She just smiled… and nodded her head… and she said…

Where was this when we really needed it? When your brother was sick?”

Max Silverman then proceeds to explain to us what his brother was ill with… which illness it was that his brother was battling for his life over…

… Mental Illness

Take 20 minutes and listen to what he has to say… understanding what he is talking about might make a different in your life… or the life of someone you love. ♥

Another Mothers Day Has Passed …


Mothers Day is one of the most difficult days of the year for me. A sad day. A tearful day.

Sadly, my children have always lived with their Dad. Not because I didn’t want them with me, not because I have done something wrong… but because of the way that circumstances played out.

Every year, the kids will make gifts for “Mom” for ‘Mothers Day’, and each year, though they do those crafts at school, I never receive a single one.


During my many visits, I have seen some of the sweet things made to be given to me on mothers day, some of the gifts the kids had even told me about before hand, but they have never made it to me….


The simple answer … they were addressed to “Dad”.

If you are reading this and you do the same thing, and the “Mom” is still in the picture as much as possible… don’t treat her as though she is dead.

I may not live right next door, and I may not get to spend most of my time with my children, but I am here. I do all that I can with the way things are. I talk to my kids, during visits I teach them things, create crafts with them, play, color, sing to them, teach them learning songs, count to 20, count to 100, help with homework, teach them manners, morals, and how to be kind… and so on. I try to be here for them, I try to teach them new things, I try to show them how to be a good person. When I am with them, and a holiday for their Dad approaches, I make sure to have them make their Dad a card, or get something for them to give him… I remind them to call I make sure to deliver their gift. I treat him like he is their Dad… cause he is.

I would never replace the word “Father” for “Mother”… or cross out Dad’s name to replace with mine… Never.

The first time I noticed that something meant to come to me for Mothers Day did not, it hurt. My little ones told me of what they had made for me, but it never got sent out. Then, months later, I found out why. During one of my visits, I came across the crafts they told me they had made me for Mothers Day… and I started to cry uncontrollably when on the front, the word “mother” was crossed out and replaced with “father”.

I am still here!!!!

I am not dead.

I don’t need every single mothers day activity completed since preschool, but one, or maybe two would have been nice.

Just keep this in mind.

In the big picture, this isn’t a big deal… but when it comes to the most painful things about not having my children with me as primary custodian… this is a big deal.

I am not dead, don’t act as though I am.

Actually, the irony is… if I were dead, every single one of those cards and gifts would have become memorialized… perhaps taken to my grave… never to be “seen” by me… but cried over and a big deal to the little ones giving it.

Instead, I don’t get them, or see them… as if I were dead… but not JUST dead…

dead and hated.

©bipolarmuse June 2015