Ugh, Withdrawals Again

I have been taking pain meds for horrible pain in my “betty crocker baby maker” and have built up a tolerance to the medications. The Docs plan for this?? Have me withdraw every month to help bring it back down. And then in the future, go off of it for an entire month and then re-prescribed the medication. I am all for lowering my tolerance, it needs to be done… however, I hate that the only way to do this is cold turkey. She can’t prescribe anything to help me come off this medication or try an alternative route because she is not a pain specialist. So… starting tomorrow, possibly tonight, the withdrawals will start. I think in reality they have started already a little bit… as I do not feel well today and have been up since 2am. Grrrrrr…

So how do I get through this??

I mentally prepare myself by reminding myself that it won’t be miserable forever. The sleep will return to normal, the pain I will feel exasperated will eventually subside, Yes I will have the pain I am treated for… but at least the sore achy joints and muscles will subside. I have epsom salt for my baths and plan on taking several hot baths a day to help aid in the “sweating out” the toxins. I remind myself that the depression that accompanies it will also subside as my body begins to create endorphins again and I can facilitate it by working out every day. I have immodium AD for the sick flu like symptoms and a prescribed anti-inflammatory to assist with pain relief. I have muscle rub for the soreness… and I think that is about it for covering all my bases. I have had to do this before and I am not a stranger to withdrawal but it really just sucks all around. It is a miserable feeling but I know it can be done… and I shall do it… monthly… until my medicare kicks in and we can figure out what is truly wrong and fix it if it can be fixed.

So until then… I will chronicle each day here and describes as best as I can what it feels like to go through this. It is crazy that I once liked taking pain medicine for “fun”… now I hate the sh*t so bad it blows. 

I want to fix the problem and go off of this crap for good. I am over it.

A New Look ~ #1

I have decided to change up the look of my blog to give it a fresh feel… since in 1 1/2 years it has not changed, it is well overdue. I will try out two different styles… this one, which I think looks a bit more professional, (the one you are currently reading this post from). Or this one called balloons… which do you like??  The balloons is a single column down the center…

baloons

 

 

ballons

Incredible Video of Autistic Girl Learning To Communicate… A Must See

I have mentioned before that my youngest son is diagnosed with a high functioning form of Autism. His diagnosis is PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). When I say that he is high functioning, I mean very high. Most people do not think that he is Autistic, but once they are told, they usually notice some of his little quirks. He is an amazing little boy and look forward to when he is an adult and he can communicate what it is like being him.

This video is amazing. Even with my son, once he was able to communicate (we used picture boards and some sign language until his vocabulary kicked in), a lot of his behaviors changed. It was like a huge relief for him… and the frustration started to melt away.

In this video, the girl is severely autistic… please watch it. Listen to how she describes what it is like to be her… watch her come to life right before your eyes.

Link in Autism, Bipolar Disorder, and Schizophrenia

Autism- My Experience

Hyper-sexuality When Manic

hyper-sexuality

I have mentioned this topic before and week after week, it is the most searched for topic on Google that directs people to my blog. So what I want to do is list some symptoms, and talk about methods that can help one to avoid this ugly part of this already disruptive disorder.

Symptoms of Mania

elevated mood, feeling high or superior, racing thoughts, creative ideas, leads to agitation and poor decisions, alternate with depression, grandiose, irritable, belligerent, deny anything is wrong, high energy, decreased perception of need (or ability) to sleep, hyper-sexuality, hyper-religiosity, hyper activity, talkativeness, grandiose ideas and plans, out of character behavior, increased stress in personal relationships, and problems at work.

Other possible symptoms of Mania

elation, extreme optimism, rapid speech, racing thoughts/flight of ideas, agitation, poor judgment, recklessness, easily distracted, inability to concentrate, believing you’re int the best mental state.

Severe Symptoms of Mania

Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, intense and unusual religious belief, sexual promiscuity, risk taking, gambling, and binge spending.

As you can see here, these symptoms, which may seem fairly easy to deal with, often come and turn your life upside down… ruining personal relationships, and professional relationships. The two symptoms that really have me interested are hyper-sexuality and hyper-religiosity… the latter fascinates me and I believe I may need to research it and do an entirely separate post about it.

What is Hyper-sexuality?

Bipolar Hyper-sexuality often shows itself during a manic episode. During mania, we often make very impulsive decisions that can have a life altering affect. Including impulsive choices with sexual activity. We may become excessively interested or involved in sexual activity…. with an increase in sexual activity with ones partner, involvement in internet porn, and excessive use of telephone sex service (regardless of the cost).

At times, during hyper-sexuality, one may engage in extramarital  affairs, seek out prostitutes, etc. All are risky behaviors

What’s significant?

Well, what is significant is that there is a change or difference from ones normal behavior. Often times, during Hyper-sexuality, one will  have multiple sex partners, think about sex constantly, engage in one night stands, and a abnormally high interest in internet porn.

How can we “treat” Hyper-sexuality during mania?

There is no tried and true treatment for someone experiencing Hyper-sexuality. It can possibly be treated by either introducing, or increasing the use of an anti-psychotic. Aside from that, there are no medications to help with this… but instead, one must use other means to keep themselves in control.

Some recommendations include: occupying your time with hobbies that you love to do or learn a new hobby and become engrossed in learning it. This will keep your mind and hands  busy… which would help tremendously when hyper-sexuality is rearing its ugly head. Also, begin a new exercise regimen. If you already workout, maybe change it up a bit and add yoga classes. Keeping your time occupied is a good preventative. Perhaps get into therapy and learn more/new coping skills… a skilled therapist would certainly be beneficial. Always avoid situations that may be compromising… keeping your head clear and staying away from potential opportunities for sex is key. If the opportunity isn’t right in front of your face, it will be easier to remain strong in your resolution. Avoid alcohol. (Very important.) Alcohol lowers our inhibitions… allowing one to say or do something that we wouldn’t otherwise do. Alcohol should be avoided anyways by those diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder… but even-more-so, it should be avoided in social circumstances where you could have the opportunity to act on your Hyper-sexuality. Another great idea for those of you in relationships… have more sex. Yes, you read that right. Use your mania to your advantage and have as much sex as you want. This is safe for those in a monogamous relationship of course, and should be used as much as you desire. Doing this may help one to quench that Hyper-sexual sex desire. Get into it… try new sexual positions, role play, add a little pornography if that’s your thing. Add new toys to your collection (again, if that is your thing). Get kinky… talk dirty… etc. Just get into being sexual with your partner. Doing this is healthy for your relationship and also for your mind… orgasms are good for mental health and help to release endorphins, which are ‘feel good’ chemicals.

Even though there is no way to get rid of Hyper-sexuality, there are healthy ways to help keep it in control as mentioned above. I am sure that you can come up with more good ideas of your own…

Another thing that would be helpful is to create an action plan for when an episode strikes you. Having this plan in place will help you all around, whether it’s mania or depression that kicks in. It will help you to feel more in control of this disorder, and it will give you helpful ideas of what to do (or not do). An action plan is a must, not only for you, but also for others who will have an idea (based on your action plan) of how to help you.

Above all else… remember that you can always ask for help from family and friends. You do not have to go through everything alone. Having someone close to you to help is the best medicine.

 

 

Other Suggestions by fellow bloggers:

*Stay mindful and identify manic symptoms.- Kristin Barton Cuthriell

*Meditate- Lady Lovely

* Be Hyper-vigilant and recognize symptoms, communicate with therapist or anyone you trust.- The Secret Keeper

Hyper-sexuality and Bipolar Disorder- Bipolarmuse.com

Zach Sobiech

I was cruising  the book of face and found a post by a friend about this amazing young man… Zach Sobiech. So much can be learned by him in this short 20 minute insight into the end of his life (which sadly ended earlier this month), and get a glimpse of the beautiful soul he was. I watched the entire video with tears in my eyes… my hand over my heart because it hurt for him and all who loved him and knew him.

We don’t meet many people with the beautiful spirit he had and it is so contagious in the video. You just want to be surrounded by those who surrounded him to truly live with him when he had a short time to go… you wanted to be near him.

His story is heartbreaking and beautiful.

It reminded me that life is not always beautiful but it is a beautiful life.

If you have a few moments, watch this video. It may change your perspective for the day… and hopefully for all the days ahead. This is a story about living… not dying.

Ugggghhhh… come one Medicare! My Rant.

money

MONEY. I hate it and love it at the same time. Why is it that I will seem to be fine, then all of a sudden, I am broke for the next three months? Seriously. I know I don’t have much coming in, but I am very scrupulous with it because I know that a little must go far. That being said… this month I will be in the hole to my man about 500$. Yep. The mean green paper is taking a toll.

After Doc visits, prescriptions, plane tickets to get the kids back to TX on July 1st… I am flat broke… and will need my return flight paid for, and my prescription at the end of the month that is 170.00$ paid for as well. On top of the money I already owe him, yeah, I am looking at a 500$ bill. Not to mention that I have other bills to pay.  Grrrrrr.

**BUT, good news! My medicare begins on September 1st and my Doc visits and prescriptions will be covered. I cannot express how happy I am about this. Only two months to endure and then all will settle down and be great. I won’t be rich, but it sure will help with my  monthly expenses. It will pay for itself and then some…

I can’t believe that, being mentally ill, they wait 2 years before giving you medical coverage. This needs to be revamped. We have so many horrible crimes committed in the name of mental health issues but nobody wants to pay for Psychiatry or Psychological counseling. What is that about? We have gunmen going into schools, high school and college kids with mental disorders plotting bombings and other terrorist acts and I have had to wait 2 years for any type of medical assistance though I was deemed disabled with Bipolar 1 Disorder with Psychosis, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Anxiety Disorders. Know what I was told when I asked my case worker what to do for my mental health *care*?? Her response- Go to the ER.

Really?!

No… I am not comparing myself to those who commit these horrible crimes, and I do not believe they ALL have mental health disorders (because I do believe that some people are just bad people), but seriously?… I waited 2 years for medical assistance? That is like a person diagnosed with terminal cancer waiting 2 years for treatment. Especially when suicidal… ok, maybe not identical situations here… but you get my drift.

Sorry for this rant but I am seriously flustered at the system. I am grateful that something is in place for assistance, but it literally needs a program change and reboot.

!!I am grateful that medicare is on its way and I only have July and August left to pay for my own medical care and medications. Now I just have to hope I don’t get a CDR (continuing disability review) and be deemed no longer disabled. Wouldn’t that be a nightmare?? I don’t even want to put that thought into the Universe. Not that I plan to be on this all my life… I just want to make sure I do not make an impulsive decision to work before I know that I am stable enough to stay employed.

Thank God I have a wonderful man who helps me stay afloat…